If there was a single word to sum up how I'm feeling today, its Gratitude. If you are a user of Twitter, you will understand that using the # symbol, or hashtag is a way to mark key words or topics in a Tweet. I love that it was created organically by Twitter users as a way to categorize messages. Within Twitter, you can search on #Gratitude and see what the multitude of Twitter users across the universe are grateful for. As I look around, I think there's a huge opportunity for everyone to be a little more diligent about identifying what they are grateful for on a daily basis.
As I emerge from these past few trying months, that is one of my new habits. Each day I am writing down at least three things I am grateful for - as well as three positive things I am envisioning for my future. The act of writing it down makes it much more real for me.
Today's list so far? Well, first, I had not one but TWO cups of coffee this morning. For me, this is huge step forward because it symbolizes that food and drink are actually beginning to taste and feel normal. Second, I am grateful to be living in an amazing and beautiful location. It's still February, but today we will flirt with 80 degrees. The sun shines 300+ days a year. Having undergone treatment in January and February, it was such a blessing to be able to travel to the clinic each and every day in 60 or 70 degree temps and beautiful sunshine. I think it did so much to help my attitude!
And finally, I am so grateful for the love, friendship and support of so many people in my life. Doing my morning reading and meditations, I came across this blog and wanted to share it because somehow the people in my life either intuitively knew, or knew from experience, how to do every single thing on this list. You know who you are!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/suleika-jaouad/cancer-advice_b_1290008.html
If you have a friend or family member with cancer - or even if you've had the good fortune not to face this, I found this to be an incredibly accurate list from a patient's perspective.
The secret of happiness is to count you blessings while others are adding up their troubles
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
The End of a Chapter, the Start of a New
Last Thursday, I had my final radiation therapy treatment. That made 28 of those treatments, every week day for nearly six weeks. As you can imagine, I got to know my radiation therapists quite well- and I am really grateful for the incredible care they gave me and the compassion they showed each and every day.
Here's me, ringing the bell that says I am done with treatment. Anna and Allison are with me - as they should be! It was a team effort and I thank them - and Andrea and my other therapists who rotated in occasionally - from the bottom of my heart for helping me get through this.
It is my sincere and deep hope that I will not have to endure a regiment such as this ever again. Yet in a way it will be hard to move forward because there seems to be no explanation for why I got cancer. No significant family history. A very healthy lifesytle. Hardly ever been sick a day in the last 10-15 years. And so, without a why, I am left to wonder what I am supposed to do differently, or better. What I am supposed to eat - and not supposed to eat. If there was something in my environment that caused this to occur. So many questions - so few answers.
But here's what I can do. I can choose to focus only on the positive. To think the best of myself and others. To rid my life of those things that no longer hold value, or offer joy and happiness. To spend my time with people who lift me up, and on activities that I am passionate about. I challenge each of you to ask yourself if you are doing these things. You don't need to have had cancer and undergone treatment to make the same choices!!
I know that it will be a slow, but steady climb physically to resume my normal activities. Last week, my blood counts were (hopefully) at rock bottom, causing the nurses and my doctor to marvel that I looked as good as I did. I have to be very careful not to expose myself to illness - I don't have many white blood cells to fight germs. I am to avoid knives - or injuring myself - because I have few platelets to clot my blood. Perhaps most frustrating for me is my lack of hemoglobin - which carries oxygen to my muscles. I get winded walking up a flight of stairs. But these are all temporary and I have to believe if my healthy cells have been this impacted, that the double-whammy of chemo and radiation has completely eradicated any remaining cancer cells in my body.
It's beginning to feel trite to say "thank you" to those of you who continue to lift me up with your cards, emails, texts, prayers, gifts and good wishes. I will say it again: You will never know how much all of your many expressions of love and support have meant to me. I am truly, deeply, completely blessed.
Here's me, ringing the bell that says I am done with treatment. Anna and Allison are with me - as they should be! It was a team effort and I thank them - and Andrea and my other therapists who rotated in occasionally - from the bottom of my heart for helping me get through this.
It is my sincere and deep hope that I will not have to endure a regiment such as this ever again. Yet in a way it will be hard to move forward because there seems to be no explanation for why I got cancer. No significant family history. A very healthy lifesytle. Hardly ever been sick a day in the last 10-15 years. And so, without a why, I am left to wonder what I am supposed to do differently, or better. What I am supposed to eat - and not supposed to eat. If there was something in my environment that caused this to occur. So many questions - so few answers.
But here's what I can do. I can choose to focus only on the positive. To think the best of myself and others. To rid my life of those things that no longer hold value, or offer joy and happiness. To spend my time with people who lift me up, and on activities that I am passionate about. I challenge each of you to ask yourself if you are doing these things. You don't need to have had cancer and undergone treatment to make the same choices!!
I know that it will be a slow, but steady climb physically to resume my normal activities. Last week, my blood counts were (hopefully) at rock bottom, causing the nurses and my doctor to marvel that I looked as good as I did. I have to be very careful not to expose myself to illness - I don't have many white blood cells to fight germs. I am to avoid knives - or injuring myself - because I have few platelets to clot my blood. Perhaps most frustrating for me is my lack of hemoglobin - which carries oxygen to my muscles. I get winded walking up a flight of stairs. But these are all temporary and I have to believe if my healthy cells have been this impacted, that the double-whammy of chemo and radiation has completely eradicated any remaining cancer cells in my body.
It's beginning to feel trite to say "thank you" to those of you who continue to lift me up with your cards, emails, texts, prayers, gifts and good wishes. I will say it again: You will never know how much all of your many expressions of love and support have meant to me. I am truly, deeply, completely blessed.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Yes, I am Alive and Well!
I know it has been awhile since I last blogged, but to be honest that last round of chemo really knocked me down, making me even more grateful it was my last session. I am just now, nearly two weeks beyond the treatment, overcoming the nausea and fatigue. And, proof that I no longer take the little things for granted... today was the first time in over a month that I had a morning cup of coffee that tasted and felt normal! Progress!
I have one more week of radiation treatments and then I am done - hopefully forever. This week I will learn more about my follow-up, but what I do know is that I will be seen at least every three months for the next two years and undergo several scans during that period to make sure that nothing else is brewing.
During my most difficult days, so many of you continued to reach out to me - through emails and cards and gifts and texts - and you will never know how much those things meant to me, nor how much they helped me fight the inevitable frustration and impatience with my physical condition. Surrounding myself with people who love and care about me has truly been my lifeline during these last three months. Here's a darling photo of my sweet niece, Kerstin, sent to me during this time:
The other thing I've done is found words to inspire me and keep me going. I thought I would share with all of you a couple of blogs, email feeds and the like that I have discovered and whose words I now crave. Check out:
marcandangel.com
tut.com
tinybuddha.com
Throughout these challenges, perhaps the single most important thing I have learned is the power of hope and positivity. Chasing away negative thoughts, moving away from negative people, focusing on the best of every situation and expecting the most positive outcomes will, I hope, be ingrained in me forever.
I have one more week of radiation treatments and then I am done - hopefully forever. This week I will learn more about my follow-up, but what I do know is that I will be seen at least every three months for the next two years and undergo several scans during that period to make sure that nothing else is brewing.
During my most difficult days, so many of you continued to reach out to me - through emails and cards and gifts and texts - and you will never know how much those things meant to me, nor how much they helped me fight the inevitable frustration and impatience with my physical condition. Surrounding myself with people who love and care about me has truly been my lifeline during these last three months. Here's a darling photo of my sweet niece, Kerstin, sent to me during this time:
The other thing I've done is found words to inspire me and keep me going. I thought I would share with all of you a couple of blogs, email feeds and the like that I have discovered and whose words I now crave. Check out:
marcandangel.com
tut.com
tinybuddha.com
Throughout these challenges, perhaps the single most important thing I have learned is the power of hope and positivity. Chasing away negative thoughts, moving away from negative people, focusing on the best of every situation and expecting the most positive outcomes will, I hope, be ingrained in me forever.
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