Here's me, ringing the bell that says I am done with treatment. Anna and Allison are with me - as they should be! It was a team effort and I thank them - and Andrea and my other therapists who rotated in occasionally - from the bottom of my heart for helping me get through this.
It is my sincere and deep hope that I will not have to endure a regiment such as this ever again. Yet in a way it will be hard to move forward because there seems to be no explanation for why I got cancer. No significant family history. A very healthy lifesytle. Hardly ever been sick a day in the last 10-15 years. And so, without a why, I am left to wonder what I am supposed to do differently, or better. What I am supposed to eat - and not supposed to eat. If there was something in my environment that caused this to occur. So many questions - so few answers.
But here's what I can do. I can choose to focus only on the positive. To think the best of myself and others. To rid my life of those things that no longer hold value, or offer joy and happiness. To spend my time with people who lift me up, and on activities that I am passionate about. I challenge each of you to ask yourself if you are doing these things. You don't need to have had cancer and undergone treatment to make the same choices!!
I know that it will be a slow, but steady climb physically to resume my normal activities. Last week, my blood counts were (hopefully) at rock bottom, causing the nurses and my doctor to marvel that I looked as good as I did. I have to be very careful not to expose myself to illness - I don't have many white blood cells to fight germs. I am to avoid knives - or injuring myself - because I have few platelets to clot my blood. Perhaps most frustrating for me is my lack of hemoglobin - which carries oxygen to my muscles. I get winded walking up a flight of stairs. But these are all temporary and I have to believe if my healthy cells have been this impacted, that the double-whammy of chemo and radiation has completely eradicated any remaining cancer cells in my body.
It's beginning to feel trite to say "thank you" to those of you who continue to lift me up with your cards, emails, texts, prayers, gifts and good wishes. I will say it again: You will never know how much all of your many expressions of love and support have meant to me. I am truly, deeply, completely blessed.
Amy, I'm so glad you've done so well through all of the treatments and are now facing a new life, with building energy every day, and a whole new perspective on cancer and the challenge that poses for so many. I know you well enough to know that you will make something very good out of all of this. You're a true winner.
ReplyDeleteDon't waste energy in trying to answer the question of "why?" Sometimes the answer is "just because." You are learning from the experience and will hopefully live a better and fuller life afterwards. You are in a position to counsel those who endure similar trials after you. You give hope. What a great gift to offer someone who needs support! Hope your energy returns quickly and the new normal come sooner than expected. Hang in there. We love you and appreciate what you have taught us from your experience.
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